A What-If Mommy

Last October there was a series going over on the Girl-Talk blog (love it!) that included this article and this article. I highly recommend you read them if you are one of my sweet Mommy friends, or if you are desiring to become a Mommy, or if you are a woman, or even if you are just a regular person!! I was so convicted of the sin of fear in my own life after I read these articles that I was led to do a lot of thinking and repenting and assessing- One of the reasons I took a break from the blog for a while.

This was the last entry I wrote in response before my break in October... but I'm just now posting it:

Are any of my other Mommy friends "worry wart 'what if' freaks of natures" when it comes to your children?!?!

I know I'm not alone in this. I hope I'm not!!! My child is 16 months old and sometimes I still wake up with a start in the middle of the night and go to her room to make sure she is breathing. I remember the first time she threw up, I almost had a stroke. Other times I've allowed my thoughts to get so out of hand that I start to think of all of these horrible things that could happen. And I mean horrible things. I have literally caused myself to sob over the fear that some tragedy would befall Tyler and then I'd have to parent alone. I cry as if he is already gone. It is like I'm practicing my reactions and emotions... just in case it ever happens. My thought is... practiced = prepared. As if crying my eyes out at a pretend scenario would prepare me for horrible tragedy.

Seriously. I'm starting to get annoyed at myself.

But I know I'm not alone.

I never recognized this fear as unbelief until today. This fear is sin.

"God is not sympathetic to my unbelief. Why? Because fear, worry, and unbelief say to God that we don’t really believe He is ‘merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness’ (Psalm 86:15). We are calling God a liar." Carolyn Mahaney

I want to be a mother, a wife, a woman who believes God. Who trusts Him.

I can entrust Aubrey to God. I can trust His character. I can believe that He is always full of grace and compassion. I can believe He is always good. I can believe that He is pursuing me with His mercies, and that when I wake up in the morning they are new. I can believe that His strength is made perfect in this weakness of mine. I can choose to believe God. Because He is magnificently believable. Wonderfully truthful. His grace is sufficient and He's "busy working today's trouble for good."

Amen.

Now it is several months later... my daughter is 23 months old... and I can confidently say that I am free from this sin of fear. It tries to come back sometimes but then I remember that God is believable! I remind myself that He is who He says He is. God is not in the business of trickery. He knows what He is doing! I want to leave a legacy of belief to my children. I want Aubrey to remember me as a woman who believed God. I simply want to walk in freedom!

Sigh.

Thanks for listening today. I wish I could sit across the table with you and hear about your struggles and victories. Love you so...

Bails

Things Aubrey Loves

I'm back y'all! And I've been having my coffee and drinking it too! So I'm more myself these days!

I love you so much! Just wanted you to know that today! Each of you who share life with us through blog land are so treasured! We love to love you!

I was thinking today about my sweet daughter. So quirky. So fun. Precious.

I wanted to record some things... get things "on paper" if you will. Things that she loves that I don't want to forget! So if you'll humor me...

Right now... my almost two year old (eek) Aubrey Grace loves...

Sidewalk chalk and her ABC's - she knows all of them plus the sound that each letter makes... genius!

Reading

Art... in any form... but she especially loves stickers

Cheerios... with milk... like a big girl.

The park... and really just being outside in general.

Going through my drawers. Which isn't always good, but there are worse things I guess.

I think that might be my motto as a Mom: "There are worse things."

I say it at least twice a day... it keeps me sane.

Her uncle Riley Isaac.

My jewlery. Again.. there are worse things.

The swing.

And others that I haven't captured in a photo...

Numbers... she can count to 20!

Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches

Puppies

Singing Songs

Veggie Tales

Going "bye bye"

Cars, Trucks, and anything with wheels

She is so much fun!!

Have a great weekend!

Bails

A Day Without Coffee

Hello... my name is... is... is...

What is my name? Someone please help because I've lost it along with all of my wits and patience today.

TDodds thought that this would be a good week to do a "cleanse." I'm sorry to talk about this y'all, but it is what it is! We try to do one about once a year, and it's always totally worth it. I'm always on board and excited and totally supportive. We actually don't start until tomorrow but I decided that today I might want to take it easy and ease myself into this so called "cleanse."

So being the rule follower that I am, I decided to pass on my morning cup of coffee (more like two or three). By 9 o'clock I had a splitting headache. By 10 o'clock I thought I was going to burst into tears for no reason. By 11 o'clock I just wanted to curl up and sleep. All I could think about was soft down comforters and fuzzy socks. A problem for a girl who just had to get some things done! Aubrey was at parent's day out which was certainly a blessing, but I still had things to do.

Somehow me and my muddy brain trudged through the morning and into the early afternoon until it was time to pick up Aubrey. The muddled brain and I drove to the church where Aubrey is schooled and by God's grace made it back to the car. Aubrey was in a fabulous mood... so excited about life... so I thought maybe we both needed a treat.

I drove to a little shop and purchased yummy fruit smoothies for both of us. I told Aubrey it was ice cream... she had no idea she was having blueberries and pomegranates - wonderful antioxidants! I say that, so I can feel better about what's to come. The antioxidants were my shining moment of the day.

We buckled in the car and were tootling home when from the back seat I hear a soft, "oh no ice cream... ohhhhh my goodness.... ice cream what are you doing... uh oh." I mean so soft that I could barely hear her. Almost as if she were trying to convince the "ice cream" to do something that clearly it did not want to do. I look into my rearview mirror in time to see all of the antioxidants spilling out of the bottom of the cup all over the back seat of my car and ALL OVER (It's in caps so you can see how serious I am) Aubrey. Dark plum colored smoothie... everywhere. Somehow she had poked a whole in the bottom of her cup.

I pulled the car over and much to her dismay, pried the smoothie with antioxidants out of Aubrey's hands... then we drove the rest of the way home. There was nothing I could do to clean it up on the side of the road, so we just rolled with it. Literally. Oh dear.

When we arrived home, I stripped Aubrey down to her diaper in the driveway and then tried to clean up the car the best I could. I know it could be much worse, so please don't roll your eyes, but it was a nightmare!

If I'd let myself have a cup of coffee... I would have felt like taking pictures of the ordeal. If I'd let myself have a cup of coffee... the ordeal never would have happened.

And I still have a headache.

Love you all to pieces!

Bails

Today is TDodds' birthday.

He seems to believe it's not a big deal.

I on the other hand, LOVE birthdays and think they are so much fun to celebrate!

We started our celebrations yesterday with a lunch date to one of our favorite places, Genghis Grill. You build your own bowl with raw ingredients and then you drop your concoction off at the grill, they cook it, and then bring it to your table! Tyler has perfected a custom recipe that is seriously out of this world. If he wasn't so talented in other areas, he would most certainly be a chef. He loves to cook... I lucked out on that deal!

After lunch, and a coffee pit stop, Ty went back to the office and I ran some errands before I picked Aubrey up from Parent's Day Out. I had a quick meeting and then we came home and made Daddy birthday cards!

Every once in a while Aubrey calls Tyler Daddy-O and I think it's the cutest thing ever!

After Daddy got home from the office, we showed him our cards and then we went to have dinner and cake with my rents. I had picked up the cookie cake earlier that afternoon. I asked for a guitar made of icing to be put on top and I personally think it's one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. The sweet lady behind the cookie counter showed it to me and I exclaimed, "It's perfect!!" For it is! Perfectly "not quite right."

Can't you just feel the excitement?? We sang the birthday song, with harmonies, and made him blow out candles.

Tyler has been working in he studio all day, but we have a fun date planned for later!!

He's truly the most amazing, hilarious, fun, and kind man I've ever had the privilege to know. I love celebrating his birthday even if he doesn't, because it's a day to celebrate how special he is to me. To show him that he is so very very special.

Happy Birthday TDodds!

Bails